Not-So-Fresh New Releases

This week I looked over the offerings at the local movie theater and, to my disappointment, most of the new releases seemed, well, not so fresh. (And any titles that did look interesting were films I had already seen.) But what did the critics have to say? Perhaps a good review could inspire some enthusiasm. However, a peek at the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes confirmed my suspicions. So, in the interest of saving the $10 you might spend on one of these stinkers, why not seek out a good movie at the video store or queue one up on Netflix? Below is a list of some high-profile current releases, their "freshness rating" as calculated by the Tomatometer, and the films I'd recommend watching instead.

Clash of the Titans - 29% freshness rating

• This one is a remake, so why not just watch the original Clash of the Titans (1981). While it is perhaps not a great movie, it is remembered fondly by many, particularly for the special effects by legendary stop-motion artist Ray Harryhausen.
  


• For an upgrade in all-around quality, check out Jason and the Argonauts (1963), another tale of Greek mythology featuring effects by Harryhausen, including the famous battle between the Argonauts and a skeleton army.

The Last Song - 15% freshness rating

• Nicholas Sparks has been ripping off Love Story (1970) for years. So if you're in the mood for a romantic weepie, skip this fugazi based on a Sparks novel, and go for the real thing. You deserve it.
  


• Young lovers, parental conflicts, sandy beaches - it's all here in A Summer Place (1959), starring teen dreams Sandra Dee and Troy Donahue. And whatever the "last song" is, it surely can't hold a candle to the haunting "Theme from A Summer Place" by Max Steiner which topped the pop charts in its day.

Alice in Wonderland - 52% freshness rating

• Disney's original animated version of Alice in Wonderland (1951) has been delighting audiences for over 50 years, and in only two dimensions! So, why not celebrate a very merry un-birthday by revisiting this classic.
  


• For a decidedly trippier take on Lewis Carroll's tale, there's Alice (1988) by Czech filmmaker/artist Jan Svankmajer.
  


• Or, for a completely unrelated film about someone named Alice, I recommend Woody Allen's modern fantasy Alice (1990), starring Mia Farrow.

The Bounty Hunter - 8% freshness rating

• I've seen the trailer for this ostensible romantic comedy starring Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler: manly man, woman on the run, the chase ensues, and sparks fly. Obviously this film wants to be It Happened One Night (1934). (In fact, it wishes it were even half as good!) However, The Bounty Hunter lacks the crucial components of Frank Capra's direction, Clark Gable's chest, and Claudette Colbert's leg.
  


• If you prefer less romance and more bounty hunting, may I suggest Midnight Run (1988)? I feel confident calling it the ultimate bounty hunter-embezzler buddy / road comedy.